For you, my loving daughter
by Blaze Ariae
Summary: What if Azula wasn't as crazed and deranged as we thought? What if there truly was a reason behind her behavior? How would she explain herself to her daughter? Written in Azula's PoV. Oneshot. Light Sokkla implied. First Posted Fanfic. No flames please


**I watch my daughter slowly drift off in my arms and sigh softly to myself humming a lullaby my own mother had sung to me when I was young. I love Lura with all my heart. She is the only star in the perpetually dark night sky that my life had become. I slowly grab my red pen and the small red notebook my little angel had given me for my birthday and begin writing everything I wanted to tell Lura when she was older. The truth about me... and her father... What happened that night. All of it. She deserved to know these things. I glance up at the clock on the wall and see I still have a few hours before I have to return to the stage and I write my thoughts while singing to my daughter.**

_Let me begin by saying this: In every person's life, there comes a time when one must choose between following their heart and being responsible._

_ Many see me as the cold hearted and insane princess of a power-hungry nation. However, there is more to me than just that. More to my story than just those infamous years. Once I was just a child, innocent and naive. I thought being a princess was simply beautiful dresses and receiving everything my small heart desired... I enjoyed spending time with my older brother subject to popular belief, he was my friend. He stuck up for me when I had no one to protect me from those who hated our family. He consoled and played with me when I had no friends. I was never lonely because I had Zuko... And I was happy for that all too brief moment. My mother was also a friend to me. She made me feel pretty and loved, I suppose like all mothers should. There were days she would dress me in fine garments and we would have tea parties underneath the cherry blossoms. I remember those days now and often wish I had appreciated them more..._

_I was five summers old when I discovered my fire bending. Five years old when my childhood came to an abrupt end. At first I thought it would be fun to go to classes with Zuko and pretend to be a big kid like my older brother. He would help me when I couldn't understand the basics and calm my frustrations when I lagged behind... I wasn't brilliant at all as a bender. I was no prodigy. I merely started earlier than others. Eventually I improved with help and support from Zuko and my mother, but with such improvement came the attention of my father. He pushed me to work harder, convinced me that Zuko didn't care about me and was only nice to me because he was told to be... That in truth he hated me._

_I believe even now that those words are truly what ended my happiness and started me on the destructive path that followed. I became cynical and manipulative to hide my pains but my bending improved exponentially as did my father's opinion of me. Zuko came to resent me... and my mother and I stopped communicating. I believed she thought me to be a monster... I truthfully agreed but it hurts to have yourself convinced that your mother believes so as well. Eventually my hatred grew along with my contempt. I drifted so far from the happy child I had once been... So far I could no longer remember her existing at all._

_ At eight summers my contempt had grown so much that I couldn't register empathy or sorrow. My mother had left us under suspicious circumstances and I watched my father inflict pain and that scar on the boy who was once my only friend... And I watched with glee and morbid fascination. At this point even I had to wonder if there was something wrong with me. When I posed my dilemma to my father he slapped me hard across my face and told me I was being stupid. At the time I remember thinking he would never harm me and that illusion had been quickly shattered as soon as I started to cry._

_Firelord Ozai was a horrible and formidable foe to his enemies but to his family... he was much more cruel. I remember being whipped by a hot chain that night. The feeling still haunts me to this day and the scars have yet to fade. When I was too tired and battered to cry anymore he placed me in this metal crate in the basement of the palace. Beneath his chambers. This had no special significance to me but it soon became glaringly clear to me what purpose this room had served. However that is a later basement was damp and chilly and to this day it still remains so... I remained in that box for an indefinite amount of time before I was found and released by a kind servant. She treated my wounds and fed me before she helped me back to my quarters. I wish I could say this was a one time occurrence but unfortunately it was not. This form of punishment would continue until the avatar defeated him._

_At eleven I was introduced to him... The boy who you would eventually call your father. I was told we would wed when I came of age and I had no intentions of doing so. That evening I went to my father's study and politely asked him "Why me?" to which his reply was "You look like your mother."_

**I feel a wetness on my face and stop writing to wipe the falling tears away before they can wake Lura. I allow myself to cry for a few minutes. These memories haunt me to this day but even though they hurt, my friends have convinced me to write them out in hopes that they will provide me some closure. I slowly begin to write again.**

_As you can tell by the stains, I am crying as I write this. And I will spare you the horrifying details of what went on that night. The room in the basement beneath the Firelord's room was used to torture unfaithful concubines. He used that room to take the one thing that made me pure. My virginity. I hope you will understand if I move on now. I'm afraid these memories are becoming too much for me and I wish to get to the more important parts before my time runs out._

_I do not wish you to feel sadness for me, Lura. I am writing this to you to help you understand what happened and why things are the way they are. I am watching you sleep in my arms right now. You are five years old and extremely adorable. You are very adventurous as well but right now you are showing my most favorite side of you- Your innocence. I watch you sleep often and I wonder if I am a good mother to you. Do I tell you that I love you enough? Do I pay enough attention to you? Are you happy? I fear only you will ever know the answers to these questions. I hope you will answer them for me one day. However please know that I love you immensely Lura. I always have. You are so precious to me and I cherish every moment we share together. Are you aware that you grip my shirt when you sleep near me? It is subconscious I believe but it makes me smile that you know when I am there. Forgive me I think I was a bit distracted._

_I am sure you are aware of what happened in the war with the Avatar. Or as you know him Uncle Aang. Your Aunts Mai and Ty Lee betrayed me during that period. They sided with Zuko and the others and though I was angry ,I could not blame them for doing so. I secretly wished that I had be given such a choice. I was later defeated by Zuko and Katara but instead of killing me as I had expected, Your uncle took me to get help. It was an asylum. Sounds horrible doesn't it? Don't worry though. It was nowhere near what people expect. They treated me kindly and helped me to cope with the horrible things I had done as well as the things that were done to me. During this time I met someone. He was a kind man, also a close friend of your Uncles. He was sweet to me even though we had previously tried to kill each other. He was also constantly trying to make me laugh grinning when he succeeded and trying harder when he did not. I slowly found myself falling in love with him._

_He was from the southern water tribe and I was from the fire nation so our being together was quite unconventional but we made it work. In time I was released and I went with Aang and the others and apologized for my past actions. They accepted my apologies and for the first time since I was a small child, Zuko embraced me. I was welcomed somewhere. I began to help rebuild the air temples and try to repair the damages I had helped create. None of it was easy and some people refused to believe I could change but I continued to try to right my wrongs. It was around this time that Zuko and Mai had Phoebe. And Ty Lee and Aang had Huro. Toph surprised us all when she announced that she and Haru were expecting triplets. Oh that was a funny day indeed. After the children were born I began to feel lonely. I told him I wanted to experience being a mother and he smiled at me. His blue eyes sparkled like sapphires. I could feel the joy radiating from him. And for months we tried to no avail._

_However one morning, around the middle of spring, I was walking through the park admiring the cherry blossoms as they bloomed. I saw a beautiful woman sitting under the tree as if waiting for someone. She asked me who I was and smiled when I spoke my name. She then asked me to tell her about myself and I somehow felt safe in doing so. By the time we had finished the sun was beginning to set and we were both in tears. The woman asked me if I could forgive her. I was confused and I met her eyes to voice that but the eyes that gazed back at me were not those of a stranger. They were the eyes of my mother. My mother who had come back to find us. To explain why she had left and that it wasn't our fault. That night marked the end of those horrible days and the beginning of a new life for us. That winter your brother was born. His name is Riku. His eyes are blue and his hair is almost white. Do you remember him? Well... He was born sickly and Yue granted him life to repay his father for showing her love while she had been on earth._

_The next two years had passed quickly and Mai gave birth to her twins, your cousins, Lu Ten and Ursa. Ty Lee had Tessa soon afterwards. Also one of Ty Lee's friends, another kioshi warrior named Suki was expecting. I was awaiting a new addition as well. You. We were all so happy when you all entered the world. Especially me. I had never seen such a cute baby in my life as I had when I saw you for the first time. Your father was at a loss for words as was I. How could anyone describe how perfect you were? And you looked like me or so my mother told me. For the first time I saw myself as more than just Ozai's child. I was Ursa's child as well. Her daughter. And to her and Sokka, I was beautiful. You showed me that and you weren't more than a few minutes old! That is how amazing you are Lura. However the good times were not to last._

_You were two years old when I was summoned by the generals. I had no ideas of their intentions but I knew that Zuko was in a panic over his missing wife and I was determined to find out what they thought was so important that they would be summoning me instead of looking for her. My question was soon answered when the general brought up my intended marriage to his son. I was not amused and told him such demanding he discover the whereabouts of Mai. They had taken her and Lu Ten. In return for their safety I would marry his son as Ozai had agreed. Naturally I pointed out that I was a mother of two now and as such their deal was null and void but they threatened to hurt Lu Ten... My godson and Zuko's only boy... I couldn't let them do that to my big brother. My family was at peace! Trust Ozai to bring grief from beyond the grave... I agreed and had to leave Sokka. He tried to convince me to stay Lura. He tried so hard. And I wanted to but I couldn't bring any more pain to my brother... Not after he had forgiven me. So I married Chan in a private ceremony and Mai and Lu Ten were returned unharmed... Let me tell you now he had no idea what was done to make me agree to marry him. He simply thought I had been hiding my feelings for him. HA! I never felt anything beyond friendship for him... But please do not hate him for his father's idiocy. Chan eventually confronted Sokka about you and Riku... Sokka told him that he loved us very much but he wouldn't stand in our way if this is what I had to do... Chan said you looked nothing like your father and I could keep you but I couldn't see Sokka or Riku again... I've never had a more difficult decision to make... I often wonder if I made the right one... I miss Riku and Sokka so much it aches, Lura..._

_I hope you can forgive me for separating our family. I'd like to say it was for the best but I doubt it was. I miss the happiness we had together... I miss my love... I miss you really having a father. Your real father... He writes to you often but no matter where I hide the letters Chan finds them and discards them. I'll keep trying though Lura. You deserve to know him regardless of what anyone else thinks. I love you sweetheart. I can feel you beginning to wake up now so I must stop here for the moment. We'll have to continue this some other day._

_Love,_

_Your Mother._

**The woman paused in her actions as the small child stirred in her sleep and her eyes began to open. She let out a quiet yawn and felt her mother's arms wrapped around her. Lura closes one eyes, keeping the other open as she looked up at her mother. When she caught her glance she shut her eyes again, as if she was hiding. Lura tried to keep her giggles in so her mother wouldn't 'find' her. Azula smiled at her daughter and looked around "Oh no! Where did Lura go?" she said playing along. "Oh Lura! Where are you silly?" she asked tickling her daughter gently. Lura started giggling "Here I am mommy!" She said happily sitting up. The little girl was smiling brightly at her mother and tried to tickle her as well. Azula smiled and hugged Lura tightly stopping their tickle-fest. "I love you Lura. You know that right?" she asked softly. Lura nods enough to possibly give herself a headache "Yes Mommy. Me know this. You tell me evwey day when me wake up and when me go sleep." She tells her mother hugging her back. "And me love you too, Mommy..." Azula smiled at her daughter and kissed her head sweetly. "I love you more." she replied. Lura hugged her mother's neck a bit tighter and smiled. "me loves you most." she said unaware of how much she truly meant to the woman holding her.**

**_End_**


End file.
